My wife withholds sex from me, and I believe she does it to punish me. Anytime I do anything wrong, I can count on not having sexual intimacy for some time. The Bible talks against this and yet she still does it. How can I get my wife to see that withholding sex is wrong and hurtful to our marriage?
The Real Problem With Sexual Withholding in a Marriage
Neil Rosenthal: Why a woman will sometimes withhold sex – Longmont Times-Call
The problem with sexual withholding in a marriage has far less to do with actually having or not having sex and much more to do with misunderstanding. If most people have a difficult time talking about sex, they have even more difficulty talking about not having sex with the person that they allegedly love and desire…. According to Stephen Mitchell , sex is one of our most private experiences. It is one, however, we share in connection with another be it in fantasy or reality. This in turn enhances desire and connection. As opposed to this, unexplained sexual withholding, be it refusal, avoidance or more nuanced sexual disinterest exacerbates feelings of self-exposure and judgment and leaves both partners feeling confused, rejected and resentful. The situation not only further compromises communication, it erodes the day-to-day intimacy that fosters sexual connection.
Is It Really OK to Deny Your Spouse Sex?
Aaron and Jill feels distant in their relationship. Because of the lack of closeness, their sex life has suffered. Aaron came to therapy wondering how to change this dynamic in their relationship. His sense of feeling loved is at stake because his way of communicating with his wife is blocked. This can result in feeling lonely and inadequate.
Dear Neil: No matter how a man treats you in marriage, if you are a woman you are always expected to allow him access to your body. Even when he calls you insulting names, mocks your sexual history, graphically describes your sex life to other men, is verbally abusive or makes sex painful, bad or boring. Those men often wind up in sexless marriages, because their women do not feel respected, valued or treated well. Men who are in happy sexual marriages treat their wives with love, care, kindness, tenderness and understanding.